Chicago Was Good to Me

Chicago forgot that it was November this past weekend and threw it's charms at me in showers of sparkles and hospitality...perfect 75 degree weather, light balmy breeze blowing, perfect companion. Just long enough for me to get a lay of the land: no long hours in a museum, waiting in line to get the tip-top view from the Sears building, no trip to the zoo. Just a nice leisurely walkabout along the Chicago River and the Magnificent Mile, a stunning river cruise, jazz at the Drake Hotel, a wander through the eclectic Andersonville neighborhood at night and food, food, food (not nearly enough for my liking!) I'll take 48 hours anytime and soak up that city.

The Young and the Restless

What can I say about lovely young girls who have no qualms about posing for photos in fun outfits just for the hell of it? My adorable niece answered my desperate call for help this weekend when I wanted live models to pose in some of my vintage items for my Etsy shop. She arrived with her fun friend for a two hour photo session on my patio and a fantastic time was had by all. The Niece is a bull in a china shop so clothes were strewn around, dancing to the Black Eyed Peas ensued- all during a great lashing of rain which we all ignored- and I got what I needed- incredible shots of the Young and Restless in outfits from long ago.....and they wore them so well. Can't wait to wrangle these wildcats again.

Blue Moon at Dean's

The turtle man had the Blue Moon Beer Group down last month for dinner at the coast. What is it about our little piece of heaven down at Alligator Point? No crashing waves, pristine white sands, goofy rows of colorful row houses....just a wild bit of Florida beach that you can still walk your dog on, watch the subtle but awesome sunset without a high rise in the way and hang out with people you like eating fried grouper and cornbread. If you're lucky you get to listen to live music, too.

Thanks, Dean...

The breeze has finally picked up again on the river, a warm one indeed- but a breeze no less. I've arrived back to the River House to be greeted by Lili Doodle, the new dog on the scene, and an empty house but the pleasant calm that I feel whenever returning here has decended upon me. A quick jaunt to the north end of Brevard county to visit my father and then a sprint down to the south end to the beaches of Melbourne to have some time with my dear friend Jenny have brought me to this satisfied state of mind where I can think clearly again.

My Dad and His Warbirds

Valiant Air Command Warbird Museum was formed in 1977 and has been dedicated to finding and preserving historic aircraft that are such a part of our aviation history. The museum is located on 10 lush, tropical acres belonging to the Space Center Executive Airport in Titusville, Florida. The museum displays , maintains and restores an incredible array of aircraft that were indigenous to the world's military Air Forces starting before WWI to the present. Tomcat, Voodoo, Corsair, Buckeye, Wildcat, Messerschmitt, Mohawk- all the cool stuff you guys like to see- here they are. Over 35 of them....get your rocks off here.

My father has been volunteering at the War Bird Museum in Titusville for over 16 years. The place is stuffed full of military paraphenalia, small model airplanes, old uniforms, maps and over 30 restored war birds on display in two hangars. Even if you don't think you're into old aircraft I promise that just being close to these old machines is pretty awesome. ... Being with my father while he's in his element is pretty awesome as well. Taking these photos was a blast......

Storms A Brewin'

It's been a long hot summer waiting for the conditions to warrant the naming of this year's storms. The coast has been surprisingly pleasant this summer with the Blue Moon Group enjoying quick trips down to the coast at Alligator Point. Linda and I tag along with Brad to eat and drink and wander the shore for detritus. One afternoon after lunch and naps these two talented friends effortlessly produced a mozaic destined to be a table top for Miss Hall's studio. My loot of all black shells is awaiting my return...a mirrored mozaic in the bottom of a bird bath- I've finally decided.

Indubitably My Dear Mr Fowler

It's been years since we'd worked together but it all came comfortably together again as I entered the studio of Mr Fowler this very hot day in August. In the past we would come together with a vague notion or two of what we wanted to work on and the sessions flowed easily...the same today. A little rope, some gifts from the sea, a set of antlers and we were happy. The distractions in my life are many at the moment and I tried so very hard to wrap my mind about what we were about to do. I had the Breakfast of Champions, though, to get me started: cheap red wine .... and that was that...

I like to document the set-up because there's so much effort that goes in to these sessions. The reality is apparent and you don't look perfect...

A Girl and Her Dog

Just a word about those stray dogs that are out there awaiting their rightful owners who will whisk them away from the dull lives they led onto new adventures....Miss LilyLonglegs here is a very recent addition to the River House that I visit. There hasn't been a resident pooch for several years since the last wanderer, Andy, showed up during Hurricane (what else?) Andrew many seasons ago and lived to tell. He passed on to DogVille in the Sky awhile back and now Lily the LabraDoodle has landed! She's made herself right at home with the lady of the house...Can't wait to bring the Judith down for a tete a tete...

Having Dreams of the RedEye

I know it's time for me to go to bed but I can't bring myself to do it...it's really late, I have a momentous court date for the Boy in the morning and I have no idea what I want the Man to do out in the gardens. So I just ignore all the signals- gritty eyes, restless leg, hungry stomach- and keep running around the internet looking at useful and very useless stuff, both areas of interest.

Maybe if I conjure up the vision of my morning coffee and imagine that I can smell that perfect cup: when the cream hits the liquid the cloud that forms is like a dark storm brewing..I'm talking Tar Baby java, the ultimate RedEye. I can smell it, my gut is grumbling...now what should I have with it? Sweet or savory- the eternal question?

The Rain Comes Down

Sunday, 26 July 2009

It's raining, it's pouring on the river in Rockledge and I can't think of a more divine place to be at the moment...Tini and I decided to fore go showers after the beach- there's something about that salty feel on the skin I like to hang on to for awhile. The warmth in the house was a little unbearable so we ran outside and stripped under the waterfall that comes off the back eave and took a cold rainwater shower. Years ago when I was pregnant with Dylan I grew fresh patchouli so I could harvest, throw into a bucket before a rainstorm and let that nitrogen charged water pound over it. I loved using the water to rinse my hair with and then wrap the patchouli leaves in the towel on my head...

Fireworks on the St. John's River

i'm not a gal that normally goes running off to watch fireworks- the crowds, the traffic...all rather annoying to me. but last week on July 4th i stopped briefly to see baby sister Denise in Jacksonville on my way to St. Augustine. I scooped her up and off we went, straight into the downtown area where we quickly found parking. a short through the glamorous redneck business district of this city on the river and with our sparklers we settled down in a little park catching a great summer breeze and watching all the families gather to view the spectacular spectacular...we were graced with not one show but two fantastic displays: one barge was anchored so that the almost full moon was part and parcel of the fireworks as they blasted into the sky; the other, identical display, could be seen with the fantastic neon blue bridge in the foreground.

an incredible treat for the eyes and what a way to take one's mind away to a magical fantasy world of lights...

Clutter

when the clutter disappears or is at least shamed to a minimum my life is wide open. i tell myself each time i do a hurricane house cleaning that i will change my habits and try to leave all detritus out side. yea, yea, bullshit...it doesn't work. i'm too excitable and spontaneous and love to drag shit around and look at it. how come i can go over to say, robin's house, and she never, ever has a bunch of crap laying around? everything is always in it's place and nothing new is ever there. me, i bring in nature, thrift store junk, papers from god knows where...and before i know it the Clutter Queen has returned. damn it.

forget it, i'm going to get another glass of wine and put on Moby.

At the Beach with Judy

no men here, just Judy...that's all a girl needs when she wants to loll around the beach half naked with no mind to take care of a Number. a girl and her dog can have a mighty fine time down on the coast of real Florida. i like paying homage to St. Teresa as often as possible. seeing how she changes with the seasons, what birds from afar are visiting, watching the fiddler crabs as they scuttle ahead of me when pass them on the board walk, what detritus has swept up with the tides. and walking vigorously through the water working, working my legs until they hurt. now, don't get me wrong 'cause being half naked with a Number is glorious but i don't like always like having to tend to another's needs like i used to. i reckon if i put my mind to it i can summon up one of the Men by Numbers for a little activity by just by willing it....

god i love being almost a half century old and almost in control of my own mind!

Men By Numbers

they're out there waiting to do your bidding, these Men by Numbers. without an expectation or an obligation these men are fun and easy and capable of anything. and i love them all. i sometimes list them just for fun. the one that's always there to sweep you off to the show or for a meal. that one who will show up for an odd repair but knows there'll be some food in the deal, another just likes the gossip. then there are the shy ones that like to tag along for a spur of the moment jaunt to some unknown destination for the thrill of it. what about sex, you ask? ahhh...that's the special category that doesn't diminish the others but puts them into a sub-class of their own...the body never forgets so years may pass but a thought, a photo, a word from the past can re-light the fire of memory. sad, though, because the long distance Numbers fear always that they've dropped in rank because they're far, far away. not true. my heart holds them all at Number One..... but being in close proximity does help!

On Everything and Nothing

i want to say everything and then nothing because it sometimes seems to be such bullshit, you know? a fight with a loved one that pulls at your heart and is forgotten in a a week but leaves the tiniest scar. a fabulous lover that just doesn't cut it in so many other areas of one's life that you just become bloody bored with the trivial pursuit of something else to do besides tangle and dance. how about the kid that sprung from your own loins that has become an alien and even though you expected it that once they turned the page into teen hood and got bulked and hulked and turned themselves inside out like some creature from star wars? ah well, it all passes, it really does and then you go to a yoga class that kicks your ass and makes you cry and laugh and want to spank the yoga teacher...that's when it's not just bullshit...

They Do Grow Up Fast Don't They?

i was looking through a group of photos that my friend Mika took years ago on Mashes Sands, down by the Ochlocknee Bay, and i always become mesmerized by the ones that included the Boy. i remember that try as we might we could not persuade him to stay out of the frame while shooting. we finally just said 'what the hell?' and let him do what he wanted.... Mika had a running series of nudes in the Florida landscape and this shoot started an artist/model relationship that went on for several years and involved several locations: Mashes Sands, Lloyd Creek were two we liked to use.

after we saw the proofs we were amazed at how much the Boy's presence added to the depth of the context of the scene, sometimes presenting a visual non-sequitar if that makes sense...he moved in and out of the frames with ease and seemed always to be in the right place when Mika took the shot. after all the sessions we did i still find this series the most surreal and magical. this photo is one of my favorites and i am going to drag out a few more to muse upon...

my butt doesn't look too bad either...

Before Men by Numbers

this is an aside before the Men by Numbers piece that i'm working on....

i love, really love that i can return home after working through my very busy DailyDance Card and get into bed with the Collection of stuff that i've brought to bed with me over, let's say 3 days, and know that i don't have to move a damn thing to accomodate any body! it' delicious....

in bed with me right now is a motley but related collection: DVD's from the library ('Mrs. Dalloway', 'Breakfast on Pluto'), old tissues, lots of random pillows- each with a specific purpose (i like perfection in comfort), books ( cookbook, How to Build Garden Pools, novel that i'm not into right now, 'Howard's End', which i am into. 'Savage Beauty', the bio of Edna St. Vinny Millay', a repeat read for me), and several pajamas bottoms stuffed at the foot of my bed that i don't have to move because:

I Don't Have To Accomodate Anyone But Me. (hahahahahhaahahha!!)

Boys: Part One

i am one lucky girl...

it must be true, what Harold says about this being the year of the Heavenly Congruence because all things "suitable and in agreement" seem to be happening right now, not to mention "appropriate".... those words are used to describe Congruence so put heavenly in front of that and all hell could break loose. i mean what's not appropriate about several Fine Young Men from long ago and far away finding their way back into my orbit? they didn't need Facebook or MySpace to get to me....just a desire. i'm all for desire and in fact i'm all for a bit of lusting and fantasy on top of that. being a breath away from my mid-century mark is all the more reason for my silly girl- mind to spark up with sassy thoughts upon opening yet another letter from a long ago love or hearing a voice that used to get my heart racing...

i'm sure i was a terribly petulant girlie , like a whirling dervish blowing through these fellas hearts and minds, sassing back, always wanting my way, no compromising and all that, but i do like to think that my strong physical desires perhaps mesmerized even temporarily their dear brains so i could get away with some of that stuff and that i was fun and interesting and lusted after....

these fellas are part of the timeline of my life: a detour through tallahassee left me breathless over one man, keeping me here far beyond the allotted time in the late 80's. the recent arrival of a note from one of the sweetest fellas i've known has had me thinking for days about my early time in the Air Force when i was just beginning the arduous quest for Knowledge of the Male Brain and needed a steady friend by my side who let me be me, in all my obstinate glory.....ther are the unmentionables as well and i dare not lift the lid for fear of exposure.

to have all these men enter into my orbit at this time in my life is heavenly and i say to all my boys from the seasons of my life, whether i was a good girl or not (you can tell me, i won't cry)

come out come out wherever you are....


NEXT BLOG:
Men by Numbers

Boys

...some things to say about boys....

here's one-

i am one lucky girl

To Say.....

i have some things to say....

Odd Women

i'm re-reading a biography of Edna St. Vincent Millay, the 99 pound elf of a girl-poet who took America by storm early in the 20th century. i get sucked into these bios of the independent women, especially the writers, who had tortured souls, hung around with a bunch of men who adored them, slept with women, drank and smoked and usually died young. at least they made their own decisions...

- a new bio of Flannery O'Connor looks like it will hold my attention
- Patience Gray has a book called "Honey From a Weed". It's out of print but i keep 2 copies and i return to it frequently to be soothed by her take on fasting and feasting in Tuscany, the Cyclades, Catalonia and Apulia with her Sculptor.
-"Savage Beauty" is the Millay bio

my friend who live in The House With the Pink Pillars read stories to me for my birthday: childrens' books and e.e. cummings...that was fun...

A Bit of Truth

"One realizes that even in harmonious families there is this double life: the group life, which is the one we can observe in our neighbour's household, and, underneath, another- secret and passionate and intense- which is the real life....One realizes that human relationships are the tragic necessity of human life; that they can never be wholly satisfactory, that every ego is half the time greedily seeking them, and half the time pulling away from them. In those simple relationships of loving husband and wife, affectionate sisters...there are innumerable shades of sweetness and anquish which make up the pattern of our lives." Willa Cather

Scenes From A Southern Garden

i was only going out to the front garden to put down a couple pink dahlia bulbs i had and ended up poking around for an hour in my pajamas. the ides of March are blowing and the air is warm so having a little lie down smack in the middle of the arugula patch wouldn't have seemed odd to me at all. the bees buzzing around the flower spikes numbered many but i'm sure they would have tried extracting some of my own honey had i done just that!

the most amazing progression of the garden reveals itself as i walk the entire frontage of the roadside and see that the seed heads that burst over the last couple years have taken up residence all along the road. parsley, cilantro, carrots, poppies, larkspur, coreopsis, old snaps all have found a crevice to live through another season. the cilantro was the most welcome surprise because the winters of late haven't supported the herb but with all the seeding going on i ended up with several large bunches of this stinky plant.

in the next couple weeks the larkspur and poppies will be showing color and the little golden acre sedum will reach to the sky with it's yellow star shaped flowers. the broccoli and cauliflower are bug free and when i harvested some lettuce and arugula the other night i brought in at least 6 lady bugs.

hurrah for spring...

Ode to Tini and the Big Guy

it's my birthday and i'll bitch if i want to! but i have nothing to bitch about - i do have a word or two to say about a couple of friends who have never wavered in their support for me and the Boy. these masters of the universe have known the urchin as long as i have and have never failed to breathe through all the hardships that have been bestowed on us . in times of trouble mother mary always shows them the way while i would spin out of control...we are always received at the River with love and excitement and this attitude has continued to this day. i gratefully send heaps of love to the little lady of the house and the Big Guy who i would never want to be without.

To the Boy Valentine in the Crazy Age of Aquarius

fifteen years ago today i was laboring intensely with Tini and sister Denise by my side with a mighty force so resistant to emerge from his cocoon that he held on tight for 2 weeks longer than necessary...emerge he did, at 11:34pm, 2.14.94, with such strength of mind that he was never a Boy. he's always been "the little man.

i've not really, in all these years been bringing up a baby- it's more like i've been wrangling a cat....only now i've got a cat that's out of the bag and he ain't very happy with what this society is offering....


here is my Valentine to my one and only Valentine Boy....

A Good Year

is this a good year or what?! the world may be crumbling down all around us, i may have Boy troubles but there's a helluva lot of good stuff going on out there and i feel like i don't have enough time in the day to process it all....

so how about my Daddy celebrating his one year anniversary to his new bride and heading off to the Panama canal on a cruise for 10 days? at age 82 (don't mention that to him..) the guy has got some balls, dontcha think? he has no concept of age- it's all about fun fun fun, dancing, music, travelling...not to forget tennis. what a real sport...

i get to go to the River House again and am just beside myself about it! thrifting! cooking! gazing at nothing in particular but everything in general that i like...

here's a She-Crab i like....

Whiling Away the Sunday Blues

so today i tried to stay on the upside after a downturn last night involving what used to be my money but somehow changed hands without my permission...this a nice way of saying a rip off occurred under my very nose...but i managed to do all these things today:


-washed the truck
put the scooter on the charger
-cleaned off the patio
-cried
-talked and sniffled to Joanne
-went to Don's to use his shop-vac
-cried some more
-walked around the yard and thought what a mess
-admired the broccoli growing in the garden
-cursed
-admired the clean truck and thought yea that will change in a few days
-drank a beer
-took the scooter to goodwill and bought one item
-thought about stopping by Penny's but knew i'd break down and boo hoo-again
-called rice bowl and ordered my favorite house fried rice no msg
-scooted over and picked up the rice
-talked to the sheriffs department who said there was nothing i could do
-stopped by another goodwill
-listened to a crazy guy scream in goodwill while his caretaker was shopping for coats
-managed to buy nothing
-thought about going to the movies but went to my friend kim's w/meatballs for her son instead
-came home and took a bath
-drank another beer that got too cold in the freezer so now it's like an Icy
-let the Boy in the house and watched him act completely normal and deny he took money
-reluctantly started office work
-worked on overdue botanical stuff for the printer and was amazed that i'd procrastinated for so long
-started quicken reluctantly so i could do the numbers for stuart's 1099
-actually completed that task so now stuart has a 1099
-had another beer cause i was so happy i finished the GD paperwork
-saw an email from an etsy gal who listed me in her Treasury which is kind of a big deal
-wrote emails to a few etsy friends
-am now thinking about going to bed and watching Mary Tyler Moore to cheer me up
-hoping that i can make it through tomorrow


Hibiscus from the River House

The Downward Spiral and the Goal

The Way It Was...

as the Boy continues his downward spiral i continue to keep the ball rolling down the field toward the goal...and all the while juggling a precarious garden business, a new and growing online vintage shop, a sleeping botanical business that's about to awaken with a roar and the recent volunteer work with the Refuge House. i've known all along that what is now being touted as the 'gig culture' is the only way to go. this is the new term for the incredible surge in freelancing that is being done now out of necessity but what i have been doing for years out of a desire to be free. it does take a certain amount of boldness and confidence not to mention motivation. if job security, must-have health insurance and a regular schedule are high on the priority list then forget it- you better just scrounge around for a low paying job where someone else calls the shots.

it took years after i quit the restaurant business to know that it was okay to stop and have coffee when i wanted to or sneak off to the thrift store any time that suited me. on the other side of that is working til all hours of the night on one project or another or talking to clients after 5 o'clock even on the weekends. funny though, some people want you to feel like a slacker because you're not grinding it out for some asshole 8 hours a day who dictates the time you're supposed to feel hungry.

i may be poor but i got what i need (except that 22 foot camper that i want to drive around one day...)

The Good Things in Life...

sometimes it's hard to conjure up the good things in one's life when there's a thorn in your side that continues it's persistent demand for attention...so here are things that help dull the pain:

incredible friends
yoga
living in my little hole in a wall
new adventures with an old habit that now brings some prosperity
great sex
my ability to connect with strangers that i can help
the enjoyment of food and wine
sisters
an 80 year daddy who has a great attitude and is undemanding
independence regardless of a shitty economy
freedom to live my life
sleeping
incredible friends

An Autumn Trip With Dear Kati For Her Birthday

The Prodigal Returns

After a 24 hour hiatus from his home the Boy showed up tonite fairly oblivious to the anxiety that was created by his rebellious act of his incommunicado disappearing act. But in fact, I wasn't nearly as disturbed as I would have been a month ago. There is a whatever attitude that develops after awhile because a realization sets in that there is absolutely nothing one can do to stop him or change his thinking. Safety is the main priority and after several incidents I decided something: I looked into the future and saw that in a few short years I would review this time and could have regrets because i was too stressed, anxious and angry to enjoy the rest of of the people that are in my life right now. I have an incredible amount of positive things going on and I refuse to let myself get caught up and dragged down with an irrational space alien of a teenager that is trying to find his way in this world.

I am extremely grateful to the kind of friends I have. KR introduced the theory of the Vital friend, of which she is one. Always there, always ready to help. My friend who lives in the House with the Pink Pillars is another one. KT, in the midst of her own crises, never ever feeling sorry for herself, asks first what she can do for me...Just three of the many people out there...I ask the question: am I also a vital friend?

The Boy is here for some reason and he will eventually figure out what that is- with or without me, the law, or his so-called friends. It's gonna hurt him but I'm determined for it not to take me down...

And I will not blame anyone for my gray hair! Looks good, does it not? Al, dear Al, took these photos at Ann's Hawaiian bash and he makes everyone look beautiful...

Why oh Why Did God make Teenagers!?

so what the hell! is the Dr. Jekyl, Mr. Hyde syndrome the norm these days for what a parent has to deal with when it comes to teenagers? has living in America become a detriment to the parent population: too many distractions, choices...? do the Aliens come down sooner and keep the Teenagers for longer?

how is it that for one 24 hour period your life is so simple and pleasant, harmony ruling the family universe and then with the click of your ruby slippers you've been transported to the Land of Oz and in front of you stands a Freak-Child?

i don't wanna do it anymore...somebody take the Boy away...

The Suits and Their Crackberries Go Out For Cocktails

a girl has to step out sometimes - even with the economy crashing down all around her and her Republican clients bailing out of their gardens and heading for their second homes...thank goodness for a sympathetic friend in need of a companion to drink a Tom Collins with. the Green Ram careens around the corner here at Truett Place to collect me and off we speed (literally) to downtown's Urbane....oh so elegant and loaded with Suits and their Girl counterparts. all and sundry just waiting....and waiting....but hold on! they all have their Crackberries at the ready to fill in the dead space...as my friend K says: it's the new cigarette. whew...

the Crash that Brought Us Together

Lots of boo-hooing, anxiety, irrational behaviour occurred the other night and it wasn't a knock down drag out with the Boy. Nope, it was me having a freak fest because my kinda new laptop told me it didn't have a hard drive any more. So there, you smart ass lady...take that! The Boy was actually the one who took control and tried to calm me down, telling me to Step Away from the computers. Did I mention that I was trying to piece together three other units, all on their last legs? No passwords, a missing cord...

I eventually pulled it together and so, out of chaos came a connection with someone who may actually become the Man of the House one day.

Could this be him?