Odd Women

i'm re-reading a biography of Edna St. Vincent Millay, the 99 pound elf of a girl-poet who took America by storm early in the 20th century. i get sucked into these bios of the independent women, especially the writers, who had tortured souls, hung around with a bunch of men who adored them, slept with women, drank and smoked and usually died young. at least they made their own decisions...

- a new bio of Flannery O'Connor looks like it will hold my attention
- Patience Gray has a book called "Honey From a Weed". It's out of print but i keep 2 copies and i return to it frequently to be soothed by her take on fasting and feasting in Tuscany, the Cyclades, Catalonia and Apulia with her Sculptor.
-"Savage Beauty" is the Millay bio

my friend who live in The House With the Pink Pillars read stories to me for my birthday: childrens' books and e.e. cummings...that was fun...

A Bit of Truth

"One realizes that even in harmonious families there is this double life: the group life, which is the one we can observe in our neighbour's household, and, underneath, another- secret and passionate and intense- which is the real life....One realizes that human relationships are the tragic necessity of human life; that they can never be wholly satisfactory, that every ego is half the time greedily seeking them, and half the time pulling away from them. In those simple relationships of loving husband and wife, affectionate sisters...there are innumerable shades of sweetness and anquish which make up the pattern of our lives." Willa Cather

Scenes From A Southern Garden

i was only going out to the front garden to put down a couple pink dahlia bulbs i had and ended up poking around for an hour in my pajamas. the ides of March are blowing and the air is warm so having a little lie down smack in the middle of the arugula patch wouldn't have seemed odd to me at all. the bees buzzing around the flower spikes numbered many but i'm sure they would have tried extracting some of my own honey had i done just that!

the most amazing progression of the garden reveals itself as i walk the entire frontage of the roadside and see that the seed heads that burst over the last couple years have taken up residence all along the road. parsley, cilantro, carrots, poppies, larkspur, coreopsis, old snaps all have found a crevice to live through another season. the cilantro was the most welcome surprise because the winters of late haven't supported the herb but with all the seeding going on i ended up with several large bunches of this stinky plant.

in the next couple weeks the larkspur and poppies will be showing color and the little golden acre sedum will reach to the sky with it's yellow star shaped flowers. the broccoli and cauliflower are bug free and when i harvested some lettuce and arugula the other night i brought in at least 6 lady bugs.

hurrah for spring...

Ode to Tini and the Big Guy

it's my birthday and i'll bitch if i want to! but i have nothing to bitch about - i do have a word or two to say about a couple of friends who have never wavered in their support for me and the Boy. these masters of the universe have known the urchin as long as i have and have never failed to breathe through all the hardships that have been bestowed on us . in times of trouble mother mary always shows them the way while i would spin out of control...we are always received at the River with love and excitement and this attitude has continued to this day. i gratefully send heaps of love to the little lady of the house and the Big Guy who i would never want to be without.

To the Boy Valentine in the Crazy Age of Aquarius

fifteen years ago today i was laboring intensely with Tini and sister Denise by my side with a mighty force so resistant to emerge from his cocoon that he held on tight for 2 weeks longer than necessary...emerge he did, at 11:34pm, 2.14.94, with such strength of mind that he was never a Boy. he's always been "the little man.

i've not really, in all these years been bringing up a baby- it's more like i've been wrangling a cat....only now i've got a cat that's out of the bag and he ain't very happy with what this society is offering....


here is my Valentine to my one and only Valentine Boy....

A Good Year

is this a good year or what?! the world may be crumbling down all around us, i may have Boy troubles but there's a helluva lot of good stuff going on out there and i feel like i don't have enough time in the day to process it all....

so how about my Daddy celebrating his one year anniversary to his new bride and heading off to the Panama canal on a cruise for 10 days? at age 82 (don't mention that to him..) the guy has got some balls, dontcha think? he has no concept of age- it's all about fun fun fun, dancing, music, travelling...not to forget tennis. what a real sport...

i get to go to the River House again and am just beside myself about it! thrifting! cooking! gazing at nothing in particular but everything in general that i like...

here's a She-Crab i like....

Whiling Away the Sunday Blues

so today i tried to stay on the upside after a downturn last night involving what used to be my money but somehow changed hands without my permission...this a nice way of saying a rip off occurred under my very nose...but i managed to do all these things today:


-washed the truck
put the scooter on the charger
-cleaned off the patio
-cried
-talked and sniffled to Joanne
-went to Don's to use his shop-vac
-cried some more
-walked around the yard and thought what a mess
-admired the broccoli growing in the garden
-cursed
-admired the clean truck and thought yea that will change in a few days
-drank a beer
-took the scooter to goodwill and bought one item
-thought about stopping by Penny's but knew i'd break down and boo hoo-again
-called rice bowl and ordered my favorite house fried rice no msg
-scooted over and picked up the rice
-talked to the sheriffs department who said there was nothing i could do
-stopped by another goodwill
-listened to a crazy guy scream in goodwill while his caretaker was shopping for coats
-managed to buy nothing
-thought about going to the movies but went to my friend kim's w/meatballs for her son instead
-came home and took a bath
-drank another beer that got too cold in the freezer so now it's like an Icy
-let the Boy in the house and watched him act completely normal and deny he took money
-reluctantly started office work
-worked on overdue botanical stuff for the printer and was amazed that i'd procrastinated for so long
-started quicken reluctantly so i could do the numbers for stuart's 1099
-actually completed that task so now stuart has a 1099
-had another beer cause i was so happy i finished the GD paperwork
-saw an email from an etsy gal who listed me in her Treasury which is kind of a big deal
-wrote emails to a few etsy friends
-am now thinking about going to bed and watching Mary Tyler Moore to cheer me up
-hoping that i can make it through tomorrow


Hibiscus from the River House

The Downward Spiral and the Goal

The Way It Was...

as the Boy continues his downward spiral i continue to keep the ball rolling down the field toward the goal...and all the while juggling a precarious garden business, a new and growing online vintage shop, a sleeping botanical business that's about to awaken with a roar and the recent volunteer work with the Refuge House. i've known all along that what is now being touted as the 'gig culture' is the only way to go. this is the new term for the incredible surge in freelancing that is being done now out of necessity but what i have been doing for years out of a desire to be free. it does take a certain amount of boldness and confidence not to mention motivation. if job security, must-have health insurance and a regular schedule are high on the priority list then forget it- you better just scrounge around for a low paying job where someone else calls the shots.

it took years after i quit the restaurant business to know that it was okay to stop and have coffee when i wanted to or sneak off to the thrift store any time that suited me. on the other side of that is working til all hours of the night on one project or another or talking to clients after 5 o'clock even on the weekends. funny though, some people want you to feel like a slacker because you're not grinding it out for some asshole 8 hours a day who dictates the time you're supposed to feel hungry.

i may be poor but i got what i need (except that 22 foot camper that i want to drive around one day...)